today i have been so angry, i dont often get angry but i am well and truly angry. am not angry at the situation but i am abgry at my council housing office. for 8 yrs my bathroom ceiling been falling down, when its raining i have to use an umbrella to have a bath! i got so angry today and took photos and am gonna shame them-i reported it in 2001/2 and they sent some workman round to fix the window, i pointed to the hole in the ceiling and said what window? have heard nothing since despite writing and phoning so now i have had enough. they let me down 20 yrs ago by not moving me to safety, now they think its ok to let me live here with a ceiling that cld crash down on me at anytime.

ok, i am avoiding coz the police coming 2moro but its giving me something else to focus on

Angry always gets me through the hard times, but it's rough on my family and Doc tells me it's not good for my health, either.  It certainly helps to focus that restless energy on something productive, like getting the ceiling fixed.  You GO, Girl!

Anger can be a good thing if you can focus it on the area it needs to be and it doesn't get out of control.  If you remain in control and your anger drives you to resolve issues that need fixing, then it is a positive thing.  And in your situation, Lou, it is a good thing to have a distraction to focus on besides the immediate.  So yeah, you shame the bastards and fight to get your ceiling fixed.

One thing I don't get, though, if you're in the bath and already wet, why do you need an umbrella????

Oh, and do you know what I do when I'm angry, which is usually when I can't get my puter to do something I want it to? 

I let off a great big exceedingly long chain of f-word and b-word expletives, mixed with a load of "damn and bugger its", until I run short of breath. 

After that I always feel much better and can focus better, having let off a load steam. 

lol starkers

when i am in the wet bath i have to hold the umbrella to stop rain and bits of plaster falling on me  

http://img823.imageshack.us/g/spa0515.jpg/

That's just wrong! I'd be pitching a fit with my landlord if mine looked like that...and she certainly wouldn't be getting a rent paid either till it was fixed!

Yeah, I guessed it'd be something to do with bits of ceiling falling on you.... but hey, the idea was to get you to laugh a bit, and the grinning smiley suggests I may have succeeded.   It's said that laughter is the best medicine, so I hope so.

Yeah, that's pretty disgusting orright.  If I had an issue like that I'd sure as hell jack up paying rent until it was fixed.  And it's council housing?  I'd be publicly shaming that authority quick smartly.... in the newspapers, on TV... even if I had to stand stark bollock naked between two billboard in the middle of Piccadilly Circus at peak hour.

I think they're going to have to fix the roof, and perhaps the wiring, before they fix the ceiling, because without the CAUSE of the leak getting fixed, that ceiling is just going to get all cracked again; it sure looks like a safety hazard, with water mixing with wiring that close to the light fixture.

starkers u did make me smile, even i have to chuckle when i picture myself having a very quick bath clutching an umbrella.

well, a quick update on the other matter. i am the only victim according to the police and the dna results. the officers are now going round the country going over statements from the original police team and police doctor plus my former bf and flatmate. reading the statement again was just awful, i had blocked out so much of the details-it made me sick to my stomach. but i am determined to see it thru even tho they tell me it cld b nxt summer b4 a trial.

Yeah I got a chuckle out of picturing that myself. 

Orright, I lied!   I fell about laughing....  especially at the bit where you change hands to wash the other armpit and the brolly slips down on top of you because your hand is soapy and you can't get a grip on it, 

Hehe, that's bloody hilarious... and something I can imagine Basil Fawlty doing.

Yes, you need to follow it through, as it will help to bring closure and enable you to move forward.  You've already come a long way, and it's just a little further, but you will make it, I know.

here i am again, back in despair. today i saw my specialist officer to go over the statement from 20 yrs ago. i cringed with shame reading it, i had said the most stupid things so have to explain why i said what i said. i am totally exhausted and panic attacks becoming more frequent, i got home today and i just wished i could die. my friends say b strong, i have tried but i just cant seem to get past the horror and shame and guilt. i just want some peace. i am isolated, no phone, no credit on mobile and internet payg will go by 2moro. benefit ppl not paid me since last wed so no food either which is not helping. it all just seems to be more stress, the bathroom, the rape, no money and me feeling like i am gonna explode

First thing, there is no shame or guilt when you are the victim, none whatsoever.  The shame and guilt belongs solely to the perpetrator, and nobody else.

Secondly, you may have said some out of character things when making your statement, but you had very recently suffered a major trauma, and that is all you need to consider there.  If anything is not quite what you would normally say, that is quite understandable and nothing to stress about.  If the police are going over it again with you, it is purely to clarify the main points, nothing more.

I have no idea where you can go to get emergency relief where you are, but I am sure there are welfare groups nearby who can assist you with food and perhaps a small amount of cash to put credit on your phone, etc.  However, if I were you, I would be chasing up your benefit ASAP so that you can manage to pay rent and etc.

If only I were close by, I'd happily give you some food and essentials... money to put credit on your mobile phone.  I'm not well off, but I could never stand by idly while someone such as yourself is in need.

Now please take care, won't you?   It may not be visible just yet, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get past this , believe me.

hi guys

just an update really

yesterday morn i had to re-go over final statements which was fairly upsetting but dont. the last few days have been really traumatic and i told my special officer i was scared i was gonna hurt myself or worse. i went to local a%e and they were so kind and compassionate-i have never in my life experienced that but omg it was so nice. i was treated by staff who were sensitive and kind (some of whom i knew coz i worked with them) and have been given proper help finally.

a mental health teal are looking after me at home, they gonna visit 2 times a day over nxt 3 months then continue support. its just the pain of what happened and reliving it constantly just got too much to bear.

already today thanx to these good ppl the council are coming to sort my bayhroom out. am having 5,67 or more baths a day coz i feel dirty - its why its important the bathroom fixed. when i was in a&e distraught the dept sister just hugged me, it was so nice just to be held.

so i know its not all gonna go away but at least now i know i have ppl to help me who really care

loukeeya x

Hey Lou, it's great to hear that you're finally getting professional support and practical assistance.... especially with your bathroom.  I am so pleased this has happened for you.  It's little things like being able to have a bath in comfort that make life that life that bit better, and with the other improvements gained through the support you're receiving, the time between now and the court hearing will pass more quickly... not in actual time but it won't seem as long.  Once that is behind you, it's all over and you can start planning a real future with greater peace of mind and confidence.

There will always be people who care to help you through things, it's just a matter of connecting and sharing the issue(s), and while it may never completely be gone, you now have a connection with people to help with what ever residue there may be.  There will always be some memories, but it's how you react to them that's important, and I'm betting your support group will advise similarly to me... life your life to the fullest you possibly can and focus on the present, because it is the most important time in your life.  The past is done and dusted, and the future has yet to begin, so today at any stage in your life is all you can influence... influence as positively as you can and you've got the battle mostly won.

Peace be with you Lou.

Well said.

Hey Lou ... when all this is done how about we all go down to the local gin mill, toss back a few and let starkers regale us with his stories on how he single-handedly beat back the Alien invasion with one mighty blow.

Peace and a new better beginning. Never forget ... we, all of us here, are rooting for you.