I went through a similar thing after I was physically assaulted and I know how hard it can be to forget, to have the confidence to be your former self, but it is possible, and I would know because I succeeded.  You can also do it, believe me.  Firstly, get through this court case to put this person behind bars for a very long time... this will assist in your feeling safe and confident afterwards.

The forgiveness you need to find in your heart is not necessarily to make him feel any better, but to release a lot of negative emotions that have been with you since that day... those feelings of hurt, anger, insecurity and depression, etc.  Believe me, when you find that forgiveness, these feelings will dissipate and go away.  I know this might sound crazy, but believe me, it works.  The bloke who assaulted me mightn't care one way or the other if I forgave him or not, but I sure as heck notice the big difference in my state of mind.

It's not that you are too weak  It took greater strength and courage to live with the pain for the last 20 years than to end it.  You have plenty of strength and courage and never doubt that you have more than enough to carry on.  You are going through a highly emotional and confusing period right now, and you're in two minds, so to speak.  There's the doubting side of you has the weaker thoughts and doesn't know how to cope, and there is a side of you which has the courage and it is saying the only satisfactory outcome is for you to forge ahead and keep going.  So, the reason you cannot take your own life is because your stronger side has the upper hand and will guide you through this.

It makes you feel good that your patients loved you, right?  OK, then, that's how you think of other peoples kindness.  The caring people around you are doing what you did for your patients, offering compassion, love, caring, support.... because you are as important to them as your patients were/are to you.  It's a give and take relationship, in a way.  Receive the care they're offering with the same spirit in which it is offered and they are rewarded with the knowledge it has had a positive outcome.... just like you were rewarded when your patient care returned positive results.  Its a win, win situation, right?

And here's some love and sunshine right back at you....  

Lou...where is this guy now they say they caught? If he is actually being held why are you even worried about this? He couldn't do any further harm to you if thats the case. And considering the charges this guy faces it's unlikely he'll see the light of day. If the above is true that he is being held then you should only be looking at this as a formality of finishing what should have been done years ago. Up until now you had gotten over this for the most part and the only thing that has changed is that you know where he is now...which is hopefully in jail pending a hearing. I would have thought that since he was not caught until now and was still running loose that you would have been a basket case...but that hadn't seemed to be the case. So stop talking about or suggesting suicide as a solution.

Because of the pain and discomfort I deal with everyday all day long...I often think about doing a deep throat on a shotgun...but I keep hoping I'll actually find a real doctor that can help me. At least you have your health...so stop talking about suicide and get on with your life. This will be over before you know it. And consider this...there are people in the world in a lot worse situations than either of us...and they get on with their lives...you should too.

thanx guys, starkers my heart goes out to u too i know how awful these ordeals are.

as for this man i have no idea if he is in custody or still loose. the police wont tell me anything other than to say they know where he is and he is settled. i know there are ppl suffering far worse than me at the min, i just cant seem to re focus and look beyond this.

my friends have been great but its difficult for them too, my ex bf from that time is still devastated and his life was f----d up too. i know the employment ppl are harrassing me to find a job, maybe they are right, but i worry that i might cause more harm as am so distracted.

uncertainty is very unsettling for me, i like to know where am going, what am doing and this not knowing is driving me crazy.

Hey Lou, I feel your pain, I was once a victim  too and it took 9 years for me to break free from that horrid place, its not easy I know that,  I felt all alone with no where to hide, no where to run, yes I  have family but at that time I felt I had no one I could talk too as they had their own problems and I didn't want to burden them with mine. I met mark (long story)  but through him I was able to open up  and move on bit by bit , I was always a shy person and would hardly say boo too anyone , I was almost recluse, I just felt I had no self worth, but mark changed all that and along with some counseling, but a lot of the counseling was done by mark . I was once told every dog has their day and this  twat will get his and so much more .  even tho everything seems unsettling now they will get better  that I promise you.   You have a lot of friends here we are your family and  just know that your never alone as we all are here for you.

He's settled? Something doesn't sound right here. Based on what you said he did this guy should be in custody...not settled.

Thank you for the kind sentiment, it is appreciated.  However, I am fine now and I have fully healed, both physically and emotionally and I'm coping well with life and what it throws at me. 

I won't say that I'm mentally together, though.   I Know that I'm a bit of a nut job with a few screws loose, but I'll blame that on the tap on the head.

Yeah, one was fitted after I complained about water on the brain.

Anyway....

Now this is not something they should be withholding from you.  It's not like you're asking for an address so you can send around a hitman, so the police should at least give you some kind of assurance that he is not in a position to do further harm to anyone.  Therefore, if I were you, I would calmly and politely be seeking answers: that at least, if he is not imprisoned, that he is not living locally and is in no position whatsoever to make contact with you. 

The police owe you that much.  If, however, the police are not forthcoming, perhaps the prosecutor is the person to ask... given that you are his witness and your peace of mind is imperative to the case.  I don't know how the law works in the UK anymore because I've not been there for over 40 years now, but I'm trying to offer some assistance based on Australian law, which is still very similar.  Hopefully I've given you some helpful thoughts here.

Given the circumstances, I think you have a more than valid reason not to be pressured by them to find work... and certainly not in a profession such as nursing, where patient care could adversely be affected by your distracted state of mind.  Work at some point would be therapeutic and beneficial, but at this time I believe your primary goal should be taking care of yourself, preparing for the upcoming court case, seeing justice done, then healing so you are feeling good within yourself and are better equipped to be gainfully employed.

This is quite understandable and quite expected in the circumstance.  However, you can take some control by seeking those answers, if not from the police, then the prosecutor.  I also suggest that  you speak with your doctor, not necessarily to seek medication, but to speak of your fears, concerns and difficulties.  Your doctor may suggest a course of medication to assist you through the most difficult times, but just speaking with somebody such as a doctor face to face can and should lift a whole load off your shoulders.

Just remember, chin up, okay. You are in my thoughts. 

was watching a repeat of Enough Rope with Andrew Denton last week.... don't know if you get it over there at all or not.... had my fave Billy Crystal on..... the surprise was.... the woman who came after him.... a woman named Alison.... absolutely jaw dropping story that I found incredibly inspirational..... I hope you can take something from it too....

sorry I couldn't find the whole thing in video..... but.. listen to the audio first.... for the complete interview...then go to the video excerpt... which is just of the last section...

at the bottom of the right column... 'Also In This Episode'.... it also gives her email address.... if you felt like writing her...

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s1769571.htm

Here is her website...   http://www.alison.co.za/ 

Have a look at  'About Alison'..... and there is also a 'Contact's' page there....

you may be able to find her books in your local library..... something to keep the courage fed while you go through the waiting process for court...

just an amazing story..... if this woman doesn't inspire you.....  ..... 

well the police are now coming on thurs, i hope they will b able to answer my questions and reassure me he is not a danger to me. they did tell me b4 that i was safe, but i dont feel it.

if only we cld buy strength and courage from a shop - i am dealing with each day as it comes, i have told my doctor that i am having thoughts of ending it-he has referred me 2 a counsellor. am trying to focus ahead and think about re-building my life. my friends near me and here have been a comfort. just need to get thru the next stage and do my best 

You'd be surprised what you can do once you set your mind to it. Be strong and believe in yourself. You are your greatest strength and no power on Earth can ever take that from you. Never forget, the Man upstairs knows what he's doing. Take that to heart.

Glad you took our advice. The very fact you are thinking about rebuilding suggests you've excluded harming yourself.

I've got the flu, so I won't be around much. Good luck with all this, and realize it will come to an end with his imprisonment.

"As for you my fine friend, you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called heros.  Once a year they take their fortitude out of moth balls and parade it down the main street of the city, and they have no more courage than you have, BUT they have one thing that you haven't got. A medal.

Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you, the triple cross.  You are now a member of the legion of courage." - The Wizard of Oz

...but seriously, Lou...you have more courage than most people I've ever met.  You live each day as the person who you are, without facades or phoniness, AND you're facing the task of rebuilding your life.  I don't think you could get much more courage without the risk of becoming foolhardy.  Your everyday courage is an example to us all!

Right on, Karen, that's exactly right.  I had to rebuild after I was assaulted, but that pales in comparison to what Lou was and still is confronted with, and that is why I have such respect and admiration for her. 

And Lou, don't let anyone tell you any different.  Like I said earlier in the piece, your courage is immeasurable because you fought through the adversity and continue to fight to rebuild your life.  It is an achievement that took strength, determination and guts, so be proud and hold your head up high.

Peace and love be with you , Loukeeya, peace and love

to me you are all generous and big hearted ppl, thoughtful and supportive and words cant express how it feels for me who has not had much kindness in my life.

i know this is gonna sound silly but the main thing stopping me taking my life is my 2 cats - to me they are my world, they love me without condition and i couldnt bear the thought of them suffering coz of me. yes they are just cats, but they mean so much more-they have not left my side and the support i have received here as well is just making it that little bit easier to try and get thru.

You'll be just fine.

"Rock Lobster"                 Family Guy!!!! and finished with a pat on the shoulder and a soothing, yeah, you'll be just fine.  OMG   LMAO

The best right? 

Nothing about you Uvah.  It reminded me of it.